VOLUME LOVES :


DAVID LONGSHAW
PRESENTS
MAUDE & MILDRED - 'OOH YOU ARE A PECULIAR ONE!'
(Photography,sets, costumes and story by David Longshaw)

"Ooh you are a peculiar one you. What are you up to now?" I asked in an, I'm not sure I want to hear the answer sort of a voice.
"I am trying to absorb the information in this magazine if you must know,"replied Mildred (dressed in Charles Anastace) in a tone to suggest that this was a perfectly normal way to do things.
I debated with myself whether to enquire exactly how sticking it on her head was going to help her absorb any sort of information (dressed as I was in David Longshaw).
"You see my mind is like a sponge. So if I put a book or magazine on my head then surely information, images etc. should filter down," continued Mildred after a time.
'Right..' I said, 'You do know it doesn't work like that. The words and the pictures aren't going to just filter into your head.'
"Aren't they? Well why ever not? They should do you know, it makes sense," she replied, with an edge of disappointment in her voice.
"Well not really, you have to see the pages and read them for your mind to take in the information." I said despairingly.
"How curious. Well I suppose I should take it off my head then." The peculiar little penguin said.
She sat for a while next to me not saying much. "How's it going? That any better?" I inquired after a time.
"Yes thankyou, much," said Mildred shortly.
"What are you looking at?" I asked, peering over to have a look at the page she had been gazing at for the last half an hour.
"Do you mind? I'm trying to concentrate, it's private," she said moodily as she clambered down from her stool, standing the magazine on it and burying her head in the pages so I couldn't see.
"Fair enough," I replied, a little confused as it was my magazine.
About ten minutes later she popped her little head up and said, "Do you know, I've been staring at this magazine for ages and I've not managed to absorb anything other than this page. I'm not too sure your
method works."
"Well if you don't look at any other pages you're not going to be able to absorb any more are you!" I replied.
"You mean I have to turn the pages and look at each one individually? Ooh that's too much effort for me. Sod this I'm off to watch TV they move the images for you on that."
And off she popped.